ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
