I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
