i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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