you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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