I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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