By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
