He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So much rum. So many feels.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
