so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
