I hate all girls vehemently.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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