do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
