Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
