Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
