I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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