either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Panties = found
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
