Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
