to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.