We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.