I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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