He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.