He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
