Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I intend to get homeless drunk
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
