Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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