remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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