is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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