Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
