There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
