you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
