$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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