Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
