i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
