I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
