I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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