Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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