What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
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Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
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