She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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