I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
