The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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