shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
