so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
