i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
