He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am one with the molecules
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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