i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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