it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
