chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
