Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
