cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
