I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it glows. i had to have it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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