I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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