dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
