Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
