you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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