I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize