I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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