you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
third nipple confirmed
Randomize
