His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if only i could text you this smell
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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