He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
