I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
