The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
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My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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