hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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